When Losing Someone Means All The Unstoppable Tears

A pretty sad news to open posting gw kali ini. Om gw meninggal tanggal 21Juni malem kemaren. gw dikasih kabar sama nyokap gw via sms at around 1.30AM. untung gw masih bangun.
waktu gw terima sms itu, gw cuma bisa tutup mulut dan setelah gw sadar bahwa dikamar anak-anak udah pulang, gw melarikan diri ke kamar balkon dan nangis disana. That was one of those days where i cried myself badly.
As i get the whole of myself on that night, i rushed to call my dad and my mum, and my biological mum; who sadly still in KL when she heard the news (she was with my grandma on that night there).
By then, i had put a thought in my mind that i have to go back and see him for the last time. gw langsung mencari2 tiket paling pagi buat gw balik ke Jakarta. Gw dapet tiket jam 7 pagi, luckily nyokap gw juga nyampe di jakarta pada jam yang sama dengan gw, jadinya gw pun ketemu sama nyokap di airport.
Dengan semua ini, gw meresikokan, hari pertama semester 2 gw. Seharusnya, sekarang ini gw ada di sekolah, pas hari pertama semester dua, but see what i did here? gw malah nge-blog tanpa ada kerjaan apa-apa di Jakarta.
Another sad case here is that, om gw meninggalkan seorang anaknya yang masih berumur satu setengah tahun (or close to two i guess) dan istrinya yang lagi hamil 7 bulan. They've been wanting children since 1998 when they lost their first baby. Then they finally got their son two years ago and an upcoming one, but well, he gotta go.
Just in between me and readers of my blog, gw berjanji dengan diri gw sendiri, bahwa Rendy dan adiknya (my cousins from him) akan jadi dibawah custody gw as i grow up later on. Somehow, gw hutang banyak dengan om gw dan inilah salah satu cara gw untuk membayarnya. It really broke my heart to see him and my aunt on that day. They are the reason why i kept on crying on the burial ceremony.

Pertanyaan yang terlintas di pikiran orang-orang yang denger cerita gw adalah:
1. Why did i cried that bad? it's your uncle and not a person with a close blood relation to you.

Jawaban gw adalah, he was the greatest person in which i learnt how to be a man as i grew up without my dad. Sewaktu gw tinggal bareng dengan nenek gw dan tante-tante gw, he was the only guy in my house on those days. Somehow, losing him feels like losing a fatherly figure in my life.

2. Do you think it's worthed to leave your first few days of school for this?

I would pay more than a million dollars just to get to see his face for the last time. That fatherly figure that grow with me. buat gw, gak ada yang gw harapkan selain ngeliat muka dia untuk terakhir kalinya. It's more than just worthed, i could stay back in school for weeks to get all my education back, but i can't stay in Singapore and wait till the day i go back to see his face. by then, i would have cried myself a lot more than i should have.

3. Lo udah gila? lo udah siap untuk nanggung hidup dua orang lagi, padahal sekarang aja lo masih hidup dengan duit orang tua lo

As i said, gw akan lakukan itu as i grow up dan buat gw, it really is nothing (hopefully) karena om gw udah ngajarin gw terlalu banyak hal dalam hidup gw. Though i ended up this way, but he had tried his best. Now, it's my turn to do things for him -at least for his children.

"when losing someone means all the unstoppable tears, then finding hope in people that surrounds you is the only cure to it"

Quotation di atas itu adalah originally from me. gw yang bikin sendiri atas apa yang udah gw pelajari selama kejadian beberapa hari ini.
And as for me, i gotta move on and be that hope. Gw berjanji dengan diri gw sendiri, and i really wish i won't forfeit it.

As for Om gw, hope you are in the happy place now. I miss you, i really do. It was so fast, but i gotta be strong. I'm sure we'll see each other again one day. I was glad to be able to see you before you get six feet deeper. I hate goodbyes, so I'll see you later!

Fully dedicated to my beloved uncle,
Dith